Of Ashes and New Life
by Anne Luzra Agupssos
Summary: The Napoleonic wars have keep Elizabeth away from her family but tragedy will reunite them again. Could Mr. Darcy forget about his great love and continue with his new life? Or will he take this new opportunity and save Elizabeth from all the dark feelings that have been sown in her heart?
1. Chapter 1

_Kiev, 28 June 1812._

 _-Lizzy._

It was said like a shout but its softness made it sound almost like a whisper. The door was open and the first thing I could see was the body of my husband falling down.

- _Alexandr! Please… help! Solnyshko moyoi, no, no._

"No". That was everything I could think as my hand were trying to open up his coat. The buttons pop off as I broke his shirt and there, I saw it. His blood stained my hands, my dress, and suddenly all I could see was the darkest red colour that was threatening to take away the life of my Alexandr.

- _Fast Elizaveta! Take this towel and put some pressure on the wound_.- Shouted Papa. His hands guided mine and helped me in this duty but my eyes couldn't stay there. They change their course and found his gaze. There was fear and regret in them. If Papa gave another order, I couldn't tell. My world fell silent as I felt Alexandr's hand caressing my cheek.

- _Radost moyaii, I'm sorry that...-_

- _No, don't say a word_.- I cut his speech. Even at this moment the impertinence in my character came afloat. All I wanted to ask him was: "Please, try to stay. Don't leave us, don't leave me". But my heart knew that he could never honor this desire. He was leaving me and only the Lord's Will could make him stay.

- _I shall never be apart of our Dushen'kaiii, moy Alexandr._ \- How could I? if our son was my life. Yes, my son too. Perhaps not by flesh and blood but our souls were made of the same material. Our little Andrei was more mine than his. I have said it like a vow, and indeed it was. Only death could make me leave my baby. The blue in my husband's eyes seemed to shine, in the same colour of the Moscow's sky in the sunny and windy Easter morrows, when he heard my words.

- _Moya Lizzy, I'm sorry for the short time that I could love you; for not seeing the pureness of your soul, and for make it hard for you to love me. Now, I can only say that, thanks to you and God, you have been the love of my life, the joy of my days. My heart shall be yours for the eternity and I'll be watching over you and our precious children. Be brave…_

- _Your family will be always protected by your brother and me, son._ \- My Alexandr turned his gaze to his father and the feeling of tranquility changed his countenance; more relaxed, more in peace, and more away from me. He managed to smile despite the pain and with that he passed away. My life was in ruins; everything has been turn into ashes in the same way that the Russian villages were being destroyed in an effort to get away from the French army, in the same way the hands of my dear husband were turning cold as the fire of his soul seemed to extinguish.

- _He is gone, my sweet child._ –It was too soon. I could still feel the heat of his skin, its softness. He got no reaction from me. My life was passing in front my eyes, or at last the past 5 years; my new beginning in Russia as the wife of the second son of the Prince Goleníshchev-Kutuzov, one of the greatest General under the reign of Catherine the Great, Paul II, and, now under the reign of the Tsar Alexander I. For whom he fought the battle of the three Emperors and was victorious. And nowadays, as the Field Marshall Kutuzov, he was destined to victory over the Napoleonic army, the key of the Russian people for their freedom and the key to get own revenge, revenge on the coward who wiped out the happiness I was beginning to reap.

 _-… we must give him holy burial today and prepare ourselves for the journey. With the French advance into our land it is my duty to retake command in front of the troops and to ensure that you and my grandchildren will be safe, out of the battle area…_ -

- _No!_ –That must have been the last answer he was expecting for. – _All Russia will be a battle area as you well know! Don't insult me right now when it was under your guide that I had been successful in the study of the Russian history and the character of its people. With the lack of resistance that we showed in Vilna and the abandon of Vitebsk it's obvious that you are bringing them in, we could even sacrifice Moscow and Napoleon won't have any opportunity to escape the Russian winter. You know him to well to understand that it will be his own arrogance that will lead to his army's destruction, and you are counting on the Russian conscience against the invader for this strategy not in the force of our army. No, I have to continue with Alexandr's plan. With the mission you put on his shoulders of bringing the news about the Russian strategy to the British authority, and with my husband still in my arms you cannot deny me satisfaction. There was only a man, a British man who knew about his plan; and only he could been responsible for this crime. A betrayal against a friend but also treason against his own country, and if I can't bring him here to be punish I will see him hanged in Britain_ _for his society with the Napoleonic cause.-_ I was shouting and trembling but the Lord knew that a new fire lit my blood in that moment.

- _Please Papa, support me in this commission. Don't let your son' sacrifice be in vain._

- _You are the best daughter in law he could gave me._ \- There was a brief smile in his mouth when he said that phrase. – _In 3 days, the minimum time for saying our goodbyes to Alexandr. You will take the children and travel to Venice, not Trento as we had decided, and from there it will take you 18 days by sea to reach London. That means more days of journey but the new_ _route will guarantee your safety. I'll ask Babuska to assist you in everything she can. I must call on your brother, we need him here._

 _-Thank you, Papa. Thank you. -_ I repeated as I kiss his hand. He was saving my life

 _-Elizaveta, on your shoulders lays the sacrifice of my son and that of the thousands Russians souls that will be taken before the winter finish. Be strong and honor it. But today, be a wife; mourn him and let his children say their goodbyes._

i "My sun" translation of the Russian pet name.

ii "My joy" translation of the Russian pet name.

iii "Little soul" translation of the Russian pet name for children. Popular in the XVIII century.


	2. Chapter 2

**For my readers: I thank you all for you follows, favs, and reviews; I hope you are enjoying the story. And please have patience with the story 'cos I want the characters to narrate their own story and their world. The story will be different from the real events in the Napoleonic Wars but when that happens I will write a note at the end of the chapter. Someone was kind enough to remember me of Tolstoy's War and Peace and I want to make clear that, as he (not that I'm in his league or my work can be compared to his novels) I am taking some elements of reality to give my history coherence. It will be different as I wrote before, but Tolstoy and other big writers have done this before. For many people the fire in Moscow was a strategy of the Russian army but in his book he explains how the abandon of the city was the reason of the fire. An author can take certain licenses, specially the authors of fanfictions like us; when we just change a little of the true story to make our own, so please don't feel bad when I change something of our dear Lizzy and Fitzwilliam.**

 **Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, as we all know. Only Jane Austen could create them as wonderful as they are, with all their faults and goodness. They will be some real historical figures in the story, like General Kutuzov, Lord Grey, Napoleon Bonaparte, the Tsar Aleksandr I of Russia, and the King George III of Great Britain and Ireland.**

* * *

 _London, 3 August 1812.i_

The season was coming to its end. Some engagements had been announced; the remained ladies started to feel the pressure of their singleness but conserved their positive attitude about the opportunities that the next year will bring, thanks to recent connections and new acquaintances; while the bachelors congratulated themselves for another year of liberty, for the success of their new conquests and the passions they had raised during this season. Well, almost everyone shared these feelings except for one pair of siblings for whom the end of the month could never come faster enough.

- _Thank you, Charles for letting Georgiana come with your family. I promised her that I would take her to Lord Grey' soirée but there are some business I must attend before._

The smile of Charles Bingley never fell down as he continues walking with me to the salon. – _Don't worry, Darcy. You know she is well received in this house and this way she can make company to my wife' sister. Thank God that Catherine has got some sense with the years; Caroline can't even forget their demeanor the first time we make_ _acquaintance._ _But they were just child right then. No sensibility could have been hurt by their actions, laughs and silly flirts, just that. And my angel! Do you remember the first time I dance with her? The most beautiful creature in the Assembly! Her smile alone put to shame the stars…_

A sincere laugh came out of me when I hear his ravings of love. – _Dear friend, how could I possible forget that day when you keep reminded me of that each time I visit you? I was sure my godson first word was going to be "Angel" instead of "mother"._

- _Thank God it wasn't the case, Mr. Darcy.-_ Said Mrs. Bingley. Standing next to the salon entrance it was easy for her to hear our conversation. _-I'm not sure how my dear husband would react if anyone dares to compete with him for my attention._

Before I could even greet her, Charles put his arm around her waist and told her: - _Oh my dear Jane, how much do you like to make me suffer! Our little boy known better, he will never betray his father in such fashion…_

Watching the couple it was hard to understand how anyone could ever doubt of the great love they share, and how much Charles was still "violently in love" with his Jane. I was such a fool at that time, and now I'm grateful that we didn't lost his friendship. My only real friend, besides my cousin, with whom I can always count. We could never be brothers but the birth of little Charles gave us the opportunity to become family with me assuming the duty of godfather.

 _-Mr. Darcy, Miss Darcy, please be welcome. I'm afraid little Charles is engaged with my mother at the moment but if you wish to see him ask her to bring him down._ – Her cheeks were red for my friend's attention. I'll never know if she was teasing me or was her good nature that brought such proposition but, certainly, after two years of being in a close relation thanks to the birth of my godson she must know by now that I can barely stand his mother and her nerves for more than a few minutes. Or to be close to any of the Bennet family members; even after all these years the thought of _her_ still hurt deeply.

 _-My brother is just leaving, Mrs. Bingley. But may I go upstairs to see little Charles? I want to make sure that he remembers me before we go to the soirée._ -said Georgiana. Her actions were so clear to me, sometimes I feel her more a daughter than my sister. For me she continues to be that little girl that I have to care when our parents passed away. She was going to make sure that little Charles recognize her so she could claim her duty to keep him company when her suitors became unbearable to stand by.

 _-No one can forget you Miss Darcy. Not ever our little Charles, he was so sad the last time we visit Pemberley; he kept crying and calling your name when we told him that we wouldn't see you in many months. I fear, Miss Darcy that you have another suitor in our little boy._ –Georgiana was blushing with all this declarations but her smile told me that she was happy in the familiarity of the Bingley's home.

 _-Well Georgiana, just think that my godson as fiancé would mean a very long engagement. Years, I'm afraid, before he could accomplish his duties as your husband and the lord and owner of Netherfield._

- _Oh! You must know that little Charles just see me as his honorable aunt. Good bye brother, I'll see you later._ –Not even a hug and then she was gone.

 _-Well Charles, Mrs. Bingley, as my sister said I must go… At what time are you expected at the Grey's house?_

 _-Lady Grey sent me an early invitation for lunch. She was very kind to extend it to my sister and yours, of course. My mother can barely cope with the excitement of our Kitty being invited to lunch and then the soirée._ –answer Mrs. Bingley in a soft tone.

 _-Well then, I shall see you later. Thank you for everything._

* * *

He made a brief reverence and, soon, he was gone. It was easy to see the difference in his character when he was with Charles, his godson or in his sister presence, such a different man for that of the first impression you could made. Or maybe it has been the time, so many things have change. They were living times of prosperity; not even the war that ravaged the Continent had shadowed their way of live. Following the example of his friend, Mr. Darcy, Charles Bingley decided to take Netherfield Park as his residence. A noble way of living for a gentleman, as he was taking his status with the responsibility it deserved. And time has also made him more confident with his decisions; deciding, against his sisters' opinion, to continue his relations with trade and the connection of his wife to the Gardiners he and Mr. Darcy started an _investissement_ in the island of Ceylon, one of the most recent British crown colony since 1802 by the Treaty of Amiens with the Dutch; for tea was a very noble beverage that any person in the kingdom could enjoy, from the king to the most humble peasant. Very noble indeed when thanks to this business the dowry of Caroline increased substantially and, finally, let her catch her ideal husband just the last year.

 _-Oh Kitty you must wear your new dress! The pink one! Why are you not wearing it? Mr. Bennet just bought it for you last week. You look absolutely ravishing in that colour and maybe an Earl would notice it too._ –said Mrs. Bennet, almost shouting in her treble. Lucky her screams weren't listen downstairs or my brother would have just leave me in front of the door.

 _-Mama, Jane told me that we're going lunch and the ball will start later! I'll have time to change it and no gentlemen will be in there right now. Just Mr. Grey and little Charles! Not even Mr. Bingley is coming, just us!_ –I could hear Miss Catherine answer. I turned to see the maid by my side but she never gave me a signal of be announcing my presence very soon. She was having fun listening her Masters family! Well, it is much better to hear this than be in presence of Aunt Catherine. Thank God that she has been very busy trying to find a husband for our cousin since my brother told her there was never going to be a marriage between him and Anne.

 _-Oh Miss Darcy you hadn't been announced. Don't worry and please come in. Lady Grey's couch is here and we can't let her waiting for us very long._ \- Mrs. Bingley was right beside me. She dismissed the maid and opened the mahogany door of the nursery.

 _-Kitty is right mama, it's just a lunch. But I'll make sure she wears it this night. Now hurry! We can't be late so please be downstairs in 10 minutes._ She took the little boy from her mother's arms and turned to me. – _Miss Darcy would you like to hold little Charles? I'm sure he is going to be happy to be with you again._

And she was right! The baby was looking at me with a big smile. Such a big smile for his little face and it was showing a few teeth. He looked like a cherub with his blond hair shining with the reflection of the sun coming through the window. He has the colours of his mother: blond hair and blue eyes, but it was a face more similar to that of Mr. Bingley the one greeting me. I nodded and she gave me the baby.

 _-How wonderful to see you, Miss Darcy! You must be going to the ball too, isn't it? So excitement for you, young ladies, to assist at such a fine event. A soirée, none the less! A shame that you won't find many men in uniform. My Lyddy and I believe that a ball without officers is not complete. Such a delight to the sight!_ –I could barely contain my laughs at her declaration but she continue- _She won't be missing that much but she has been so sad since Mr. Bennet forbid her to be in society until she turn 20. At that time he must buy her fashionable dresses like he did with my Mary and my Kitty. Oh my Mary! Now there are two daughters of mine in foreign lands, so far away from home. It takes time for the letters to come but my husband assures me that everything is fine. Oh Lord! 5 minutes Kitty, leave Miss Darcy alone and finish packing your clothes… You must excuse us but my little girl isn't ready yet and I must help her baggage_. -Our conversation was over and I, happily, walked away with a baby too focus in one of my curls to care of anything of his grandmother words.

* * *

For all the way to the Grey's house, I didn't let Mrs. Bingley take little Charles away. I wasn't following the protocols but I was a little intimidated for Lady Grey's invitation. Even when Mrs. Bingley showed me her letter this morning where Lady Grey wrote her that it wasn't a problem if I come with them this afternoon, I didn't feel comfortable. The Grey's family had invited my brother and I to the soirée and I was supposed to be guest in the Bingley's home and come with them at noon. Oh the things my brother makes me do! I just hope that Aunt Catherine and Anne don't assist today, and neither that Miss Grey with her £ 30,000! My own dowry has been increased thanks to my brother's new business and I have never bragged about that! She is like a second Caroline Bingley but instead of that dreadful orange colour, she wears feathers! She abused of the peacock feathers and that tiara she uses in every event! Not even the queens wear tiaras or crowns all the time! And the way she speaks to me when she is only one year my senior! Even with the participation of Fitzwilliam in the parliament I don't want him close to that Miss Grey, I'm sure she is another Lady Catherine in the making!

We arrive in least than 1 hour to Lady Grey's house at Piccadilly Street. It was bigger than any of the houses I have visit in town and the interior were beyond my expectation. I couldn't imagine the cost of the rich paper wall and the beautiful chandeliers that adorned the ceilings. Later I noticed the fireplaces in every room and how spacious the bedrooms were. The butler took us straight to a room connected with the garden. Children laughs were hear in the distance. And there it was Lady Grey. Her black hair was tied up in a fashionable braid and her and the blue of her dress accentuated the dark blue of her eyes. She stood up and merged into a hug with Mrs. Bingley.

 _-Oh dear Jane, thank God you are finally here!_ –There was a smile in her face but it never touched her eyes. – _You'll be very happy, even for a short time. May I tell you? No, no, you must see her first. It's more her story than mine. Or not? Are we not sister? I took you as one when she became my family._

 _Oh please forgive me! Miss Catherine, Miss Darcy please come to the garden with me. That way the children could play together and we'll have for time for us to chat._ –She never let go Mrs. Bingley arm. Little Charles started to make fuss, trying to get down. I let him down and with wobbly steps he crossed the crystal doors to the garden. I was surprised seeing him walking with such familiarity and soon he started to scream with emotion, as a shout for war but in this case just pointing out his presence.

 _-It Charl! Is Charl! He plays too!_ –it was the little voice of a child; just learning to speak. _Mama! You bring Charls!_ –said the little boy who was trying to climb the few stone stairs that divided the garden and the terrace.

 _-Hello Little Thomas, are you not going to greet me?_ –said Mrs. Bingley in a playful tone. _-You must give me a kiss before… LIZZY!_

- _What? Lizzy…_ -Miss Catherine shouted behind me. She followed Mrs. Bingley and started to run to the garden. It was all too fast and an instant later, there were three women standing next to the roses, locked in an embrace.

- _My God! Why, how are you here? Sophia didn't tell me!_ –said Mrs. Bingley with tears in her eyes.

- _Oh Lizzy I have miss you! Papa doesn't read your letters to us! You didn't come to Mary's wedding but the dress that you bought for her was amazing. Lydia was so jealous!_

- _Both of you are making so many questions, let me give you an answer before you make more._ –You could hear the happiness in her voice _. –Oh Kitty, I was so far away. I'm sorry I wasn't here. Now please let me breathe if you really want to listen my reasons._

Arms fell down and I could finally distinguish the 3 women. The black colour of her dress contrasted with the light tones of Miss Catherine and Mrs. Bingley dresses, as well as the white of her skin. With the light of the sun it looked of porcelain but her appearance was far of that of the dolls that I have. She was like one of the princess I had imagined when I was a child. Her eyes, shining with joy, appeared to be golden or amber when the light of the sunlight got on her face. She looked delicate and full of grace, almost royal, just standing there and holding hands with the other ladies. The lady wiped a tear on her cheek and turned to face Lady Grey and me.

- _Thank you, Sophie. You don't know what this mean for me. And please, my lady, forgive this display of sisterly love._ –Her last words were directed to me.

- _Oh Lizzy, Miss Darcy has such a sweet character that I'm sure she would forgive us. Miss Georgiana, let me introduce you my sister, Elizabeth. She just come back to Britain and failed to tell us the correct day of her arrival. A wonderful surprise indeed, but she was expected early. That's the reason of my parents' travel to the city. My father wanted to surprise my mother and the rest of the family._ –explained Mrs. Bingley with a never-ending smile. Recognition was show in Elizabeth's face.

- _I understand perfectly for being away from my brother represent for me the saddest times. I can imagine in the case of sisters the bond is deeper with all the confidence you can share with the other. I could stay with the children if you want some time for your own._

 _-There is no need, Miss Darcy. I assure you that your presence is very welcome._ –told me the lady Elizabeth.

- _Yes, no need at all. But first, let me order some tea. We'll take tea in the terrace and watch the children play in the garden. Our Liza brought me my favorite tea: the Russian caravan. It's a little strong but it is the most welcome for the Russian winter._ –As soon as she declared her intentions the service were bringing the tea with some savories. Salmon and cheese with fresh dill, little cucumber sandwiches and also quiche with sun dried tomatoes were the first ones I could recognize; that, and the most curious teapot. It was the biggest I have ever seen!

\- _Mama, ty videla moyu kuzinu?_ _On pobezhal ishchet kogo-to po imeni_ – I couldn't believe my eyes. At first look, the child was so similar to my brother! White skin and the darkest hair, with an impenetrable and inscrutable countenance, like a mask hiding a secret. Yes, I know that expression. It was in my brother's face every day since our parent's death. The boy was carrying a baby, but hidden behind an infant's embroidered linen cap it was impossible to see his features.

- _Da, come closer Andrei. There's someone you need to meet._ –The lady Elizabeth bowed to the height of the child and took the baby from the boy arms, giving both of them some kisses.

- _Andrei, this is Miss Darcy. She is a friend of your aunt Sophia. And the next to them are your others aunts, they are my sister: Jane and Catherine. Do you remember when I told you about them?_ –She said with a sweet and gentle voice. – _They are here to meet you and your sister and give you the welcome to the country_.

Andrei started to bow when her mother said. – _They are family, moy Dushen'ka. We are safe and away from protocol; just like in home. If you feel happy, sad or even angry they will understand and help you to feel better. They just meet you today but you can see in their eyes that they already love you and before you know you will be returning the feelings._

Before the little boy spoke again Mrs. Bingley was at his side and was hugging him and saying to him: _Hello Andrei! I'm so happy to have you here. Your mom always wrote about you and the adventures that you had at home. I know very well that you love the chocolate, and you have a very good British accent and even the Tsar knows it. He even proposed to you to be the ambassador of Russia in London…-_

-… _and you wrote to mama that you will turn the Bingley's home in a Russian protectorate so I could come and live with you. Yes, mama told me! –_ Andrei answered in a perfect British accent, smiling as he remembered that. He was such a sweet child! It was impossible to not fall in love with him! And it was amazing the change, her mother and aunt's words were like a cure that ended the spell of his sadness. He was happy and free and his dark blue eyes hold a new light, very distinct of the sorrow he had showed. Until now I see the similarity between his and Lady Grey's eyes.

From there the conversation flowed smoothly, we went to the table in the terrace with little Andrei teaching us how his Aunt Sophia's tea was made in the samovar –that was the name of the monstrous teapot I had seen before- and how the Russian tea was drink –you were supposed to pour some tea in the saucer and drink straight from there. It was a Russian tradition, confined to the privacy of the home and the family. Not something to show at society and I was thankful to be involved.

* * *

i I need more time for Elizabeth so she could arrive to London. So in this universe the "social season" will be from May to August

ii "Mama, have you seen my cousin? He ran looking for someone named Charles"


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